Elton John - Too Low For Zero (1983) Album Score: 11

Elton John re-emerges from the songwriting funk that seemed to bring down every album he worked on ever since he released his masterpiece Captain Fantastic and he delivers an album full of great songs. He was greatly hinting at a comeback with Jump Up! released a year previously to this, but here the transition is complete.

Even though he's got his songwriting powers back, much of this comes off as pretty generic. But who really cares about that when the melody is catchy? Well, a few of these songs come off cheaper than they probably should have. "I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues" has an excellent melody, but giving the instrumentation a rawer feeling wouldn't give John's detractors so much fodder. "Religion" tends to have a similar problem --- the instrumentation is too streamlined.

But the melodies are all in good form here. The only one I take issue with is "Kiss the Bride," but I suppose everyone's deserving of at least one mess-up. All in all, this is an enormously consistent album, which is something we haven't seen from this guy for ages. Who's not to love that???

Interestingly, the bonus tracks contain quite a few gems. They are probably even better than the whole album. I'm not sure why he didn't include these in the album, because they're certainly great. "Earn While You Learn" is an extended instrumental that doesn't fail to capture my attention for its entire 7-minute running length. "Dreamboat" is an even longer song --- it's a pop tune --- and it's catchier than anything. The length is probably that track's main downfall, but I honestly don't get sick of it. Can you see? Elton's got his songwriting powers back!!

TRACKS

Cold as Christmas (In the Middle of the Year) 9/10

Elton John begins this album smartly. It's with a ballad that's not cheesy! The melody is very nice --- it's memorable and it doesn't grow old. That's all I can hope for Elton at this period of his career. He's almost back to the level of his heyday (in fact, he is depending which example of his heyday you're looking for). This is an excellent ballad. It doesn't reek of greatness like "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road," but it's close enough for comfort. The instrumentation is very solid --- hardly '80s sounding. This could have been written any decade.

I'm Still Standing 8.5/10

This does reek of the post-disco era, but I don't care. It's upbeat! You need an upbeat song after "Cold as Christmas." I also like this song because it has a menacing mood --- this hardly sounds cheap! The melody is moderately catchy as well. I can hardly find room to complain about anything!

Too Low For Zero 9.5/10

Well, he's definitely doing the '80s thing here, but why must I automatically insinuate that's bad? No! It's isn't necessarily bad. The light drum machine loop is rather subdued an non-obnoxious as it gets. The synthesizer sounds are very nice --- and the song seems to concentrate more on Elton John's vocals, which definitely gives it nice body. This song is hopelessly likable.

Religion 8/10

Elton John gives an insincere tribute to religion! Not that I have anything against this tribute, but I do have something against corny instrumentation. Why this sounds like a Jimmy Buffet song is --- um --- NOT GOOD. The melody is good but cheap for Elton John. We know he can pull good melodies out of his hat like magic tricks if he wanted to, but he just writes something silly and simple. Nonetheless, I like the flow of the song, and it's listenable above all else. Who am I to complain.

I Guess That's Why They Call it the Blues 9/10

Holy cow, he's doing a generic blues song now! Though I'm actually enjoying this. The melody is very catchy and the instrumentation is smartly solid. He's not being very interesting, artistically speaking, but this definitely has the same feeling of his old days. You can't love this song too much, but you can like it.

Crystal 9.5/10

I guess everyone has to pander to the times. Here is another stab at Elton John-ifying the '80s pop trends. Actually, apart from the drum machine and the light synthesizers, this would have just been a normal Elton John pop song. And one of the better ones, I might add. The melody is freakishly fantastic! The wind sound effect he uses for the background was completely unnecessary --- but it doesn't detract anything.

Kiss the Bride 7.5/10

This sounds like he was trying to Elton John-ify arena rock. Although we already know he's done this much better previously in his career. It's a tad banal (and that freaking drum is too loud --- you don't have to pander to the times that music). The melody is OK, and it works well enough to make this song fine more or less. But this is probably the most banal track of the album thus far.

Whipping Boy 8/10

This is an upbeat rockability song that's pretty generic --- yes, that doesn't change at all from what we've been hearing from this guy lately. But as long as he's going to do that, he's writing decent melodies. The song is snappy and happy; it has good flow and it's a joy to hear. Note that it's also like eating candy --- no nutritional value in the musical sense! But at least it's a fun ride while it lasts.

Saint 10/10

Oh, here Elton John sings about limbo. Doesn't he know that the Catholic Church just did away with that notion? Oh well, it's 1983. He wouldn't have known. This is somewhat synth heavy track although that's not necessarily a negative thing! (You know, his '70s songs were pretty synth-heavy come to think of it --- some even moreso than this.) The melody is actually perfect --- this song really soars. For once, he's creating something genuinely good. Not just empty calories. This is good old Elton John the way he used to be.

One More Arrow 8/10

Here is the ending ballad! Why is he singing in a falsetto voice? That's annoying. Don't do that anymore. Otherwise, this is a pretty good ballad. The melody isn't the finest he's ever done, but he's definantly proving his songwriting skills to the world. It's a little sluggish and boring at times, but that's not a crippling flaw. Nice ending.

BONUS TRACKS

"Earn While You Learn" is interesting --- it's definitely more strange than the songs that appeared on the album. It's hardly 'experimental,' but it shows that Elton was still interested in being artistic after all these years. OK maybe he wasn't ready to show it on his albums! This is a strange jam song featuring his impeccible piano skills! This song goes in some weird directions, and he uses some oddly chosen synths. It's a lot of fun.

"Dreamboat" is another fine pop song. It features a ukulele and Elton John singing a rather catchy melody. Maybe this is a little too long (7.5 minutes), but I'm at a loss why he was just sitting on this good material...... A shortened version of this would have been warranted somewhere on an album. Oh well, I guess that just makes Too Low For Zero more worth buying.

"The Retreat" is a ballad that's reminiscent of "Candle in the Wind," and it's honestly not too far behind. The melody is absolutely wonderful --- it's purely classic Elton John. Maybe a bit of a country-western connection here, but that doesn't discount his great melodies! Why didn't he put these songs on an album? It seems like such a waste. (I even like the ending --- you hear a UFO taking off!)